It's Not a Right of Passage

We may think that bullying is part of having a normal school "experience."  Why would we think differently? Approximately 17% of children have been bullied at one time.  Turn the television on or read the newspaper, because there will most likely be some coverage on it.  These are kids that clearly don't know how to act.  It's a harmless game. 

The scenario looks different now when it is your child who is the victim.  She has come home and relayed how awful the bus ride to school was that morning or how her "friend" poked her hard enough to cause a bruise.  This is what happened in my case and I must sadly report that it started in Kindergarten.  Imagine that.  These kids are only 5 and 6 years of age.  How could this be?  Well, it was...

How do we handle a bullying situation?  My approach was multi-faceted.  It began with an attempt to get more information from the incidents that transpired.  However, this was to no avail.  G would change her story or say that she couldn't remember.  I proceeded to speak to her about bullying and suggested statements she could say.  To drive the theme home, I armed myself with stories that dealt with the topic and provided solutions.  I would read these "fun" books often. 

It's important to make the child feel empowered and made to know that what is happening is not their fault.  This is everyone's problem and the teacher or any adult must be alerted as an incident is happening. 

When the situation continued, I knew it was time to request a parent-teacher meeting.  A few positive actions resulted afterwards.  First, the teacher appointed a child in the classroom to be the "sheriff" in case she missed any bad behavior.  Second, the bully's parent was notified.  I can't say how long this strategy lasted, because I was later forced to meet with the teacher and request that the school counselor be involved.

Interestingly, the school counselor thought that there was no basis for my allegations, but did promise that she would talk to the kids.  I remember reiterating to her on the phone that she would call to give me an update.  She agreed, why wouldn't she?  It is her job, right?  Well, let me tell you my friends, after giving the counselor about a week's time to speak to the children, I never heard back.  I discussed my last approach with both teacher and school-counselor friends of mine.  The writing on the wall was clear.  I had to go higher and involve the principal or assistant principal.  I am the type of person who does not like to make waves.  However, I had no choice.

I received a follow-up call from the assistant principal the same day I contacted the school.  He listened to my concerns and agreed with my views.  I never heard back from him to get an update.  I didn't need to anyway.  G came home with a smile on her face and relayed that the school counselor had a talk with all of the children involved.  The girls who were bothering her became scared after the talk. 

I want to be clear that I recommend following the proper route, which means going through appropriate channels.   Also, keep a journal of each communication you have with school personnel.  Annotate the date, time, name of person, and a few sentences about what you discussed and what you agreed on.  If you have to higher in echelon to relay your concerns, the notes will be very helpful.

At a time where kids are going as far as committing suicide, you would think bullying concerns would be taken seriously.  It is on the parents at home to take responsibility for their childrens' behavior and for the schools to acknowledge all allegations.  School personnel who do not perform their jobs, should be fired regardless of seniority level. 

Here's a link that shares suggestions on how to help your child should you find yourself in a similar situation.  The link will also take you to the survey that provided the data I quoted above. Olweus Bullying Prevention Program.

I'd be interested in hearing about any similar experienced you may have had.